


Precious and Fragile Things

by Poshu



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:35:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poshu/pseuds/Poshu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is pregnant unexpectedly and he and Spock figure it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. P-p-p-pregnant!

**Author's Note:**

> Just some old drabble I found from about a year ago. I'd totally forgotten about it but I found it and thought it'd be cool to post it. Enjoy.

“What's your ideal future? For us I mean.” Jim laid with Spock on the blanket and pillows they brought to the roof, their dinner finished and dishes abandoned beside them under the starry sky. Spock laid straight on his back, Jim was propped on his elbow watching as his eyes scanned the heavens before he spoke.

“The two of us... growing old together.”

“Just us?”

“...we will have our companions.” their friends from the Enterprise, their acquaintances from other venues, but they will have each other. That was the most important part and what Jim had asked about. “I would prefer if we remained active even in our twilight years, I hope we still dance... even together in the house, alone.”

Jim smiled softly, wondering if he could press Spock to confess his secret desire. “Do you think we'll get lonely just being by ourselves?”

“No, we have not gotten lonely in the presence of one another, have we? I do not expect that to change.” 

“Not even down the road? Come on, we're going to get bored at some point.”

“I highly doubt that, Ashayam.”

“Don't use the pet name to butter me up, be honest. What else is our life like in your perfect future?”

“Perfect is not a quality we can emulate but... I would prefer that we both remain healthy and we are both socially active. The lack of social activity in old age is often a cause of emotional distress.”

“We have to keep our friends because there's nothing going on at home?”

“Jim, you are trying to engender a response from me I cannot fathom. Simply say what it is you want to hear from me.”

“What if we weren't alone when we're old? What if we had family?”

“Jim, our relatives are older than we are, they would most likely be deceased by the time you reach old age.” save for his father, he'd probably still be alive.

“What if we had younger family?”

“I fail to see where you are going with this.”

Jim huffed in defeat. Spock was so far in denial that having a family was possible he wasn't ever going to admit it out loud. He wasn't even thinking it most likely. Jim thought it would be an easy segue to announce his pregnancy but Spock had shot that down, carved it, and served it for dinner. Now he was a bit disappointed and Spock was just confused if a bit put off by the strangeness of his mate. Not understanding him seemed to turn Spock off much more than anyone else. Jim figured Spock felt he needed to understand his mate very well and when he didn't it bothered him rather deeply.  


“Well what if I said we don't have to be alone? Maybe we'll have kids.” he tucked his head into Spock's shoulder. “And they'll pop in when we're old and talk about their lives and maybe we'll even be grandfathers.”

Spock was quiet, Jim could only assume he was trying to phrase his words carefully, preparing to explain how impossible it was. He parted his lips to speak but Jim pressed his finger to them.

“Shh. No... no just... imagine with me.”

Spock didn't utter a sound but his eyes were mournful. Clearly he didn't have the heart to explain it to Jim but Jim wanted to make this.. special. Maybe if he could open up that yearning within Spock he'd locked away somewhere he could get the maximum enthusiasm about this baby he needed to get through the pregnancy and subsequent child rearing.

“Jim I....”

“Just...imagine them coming over unannounced, they're tired and worn down from work but I make them dinner, we're just so happy to see them. We make their favorite food from when they were growing up and they just relax, we can see the stress roll off them like onion layers. They get to talking about everything. Work, their spouse, their kid. And it's all the same shit everyone else talks about but we care about it because it's our kid. Every detail is important.”

Spock was staring at the sky, silent. 

“And... maybe we just talk about things, joke with them, it's effortless. We can always talk to our kid right? When they've unwound and gotten their stress off their back they are our same kid again, the one we tease and hug and love to death. And... and maybe they got some new job we always wanted for them and they're just so happy with it, they're proud of themselves for getting where they are and we're so fucking proud of them and everything we hear about it we're amazed. That's our kid, we keep telling each other that. That's our kid.” Jim is smiling at the love letter he's writing in his heart to his baby.

“And we'll always love our baby no matter how old they are. Right?”

“....yes Jim.” Spock knew to keep playing along with him.

“We'll miss them when they move out on their own, probably we'll get lonely and miss the days when we were raising them but we're happy for all the times they come around. We live our lives and we're active but we have a kid, maybe even a grandkid or two. And we live for them, we love them more than anything.”

“Jim, we cannot...”

“No no, shh it's fine, just...” Spock rolled over on the blanket and took Jim into his arms. He hugged him too tightly which meant Jim was being used as a stress ball. Jim was right where he wanted to be, Spock was right where he wanted him.

“Jim, please. I... it can never...”

“But it can. Spock.” he framed his face in his hands, nuzzling him gently. Spock leaned in, nuzzling back and pushing his lips against his skin, needing to drown the guilt, shame, and despair at being supposedly sterile. Jim accepted each kiss with loving tenderness.

“It is not possible. I cannot-- We cannot.”

“Can't what. Have a kid?”

“No, Jim, we cannot.”

“You're wrong.”

“Please, do not give in to your imagination.” Spock spoke against Jim's cheek. “We cannot conceive a child. It is my deepest regret. I do not like to be reminded of it.”

“But we are having a kid.”

“Jim, please do not.” he looked frustrated but Jim had to choose his words carefully so he didn't also get mad.

“We're having a baby, Spock.” 

“No matter how stubbornly you wish for it, t'hy'la I cannot-”

 _"I'm pregnant!"_ Spock silenced at the words, staring unblinking at Jim, though if it was from the message or the fact Jim actually yelled at him he wasn't sure.

“I'm pregnant. Right now. We're having a baby.”

“....” Spock's eyes wandered down Jim's body in wonder. “How...”

“A gratuitous amount of unprotected sex helps.”

“But I am--”

“Not sterile? Yeah. I've noticed.” he smirked and leaned in to peck Spock's lips. Shyly he returned the gesture then nosed along Jim's neck, inhaling his altered scent.

“Does it make sense now?”

“Perhaps....” he crawled down and laid his ear against Jim's belly. Normally he'd find it laughable that anyone try to hear a baby heartbeat through flesh but Spock's ears were enough that.... well the fact that he was decidedly silent and growing misty eyed told Jim his ears might just be that good.

“Jim...” 

He moved to get up, to hug his mate but Spock gently held him down. “No. Please....”

“Alright.” he let Spock have his moment, listening to a child he didn't think would exist yet he desperately longed for. Minutes passed and Spock seemed to go through a myriad of emotions, exhausted when it was finished and he'd returned to stoicism.

“Jim, we must return inside.”

“You don't want to stargaze?”

“It is far too cold for you to be out here.”

“Don't tell me you're going to be overprotective now.”

“I wish to protect you, Jim. I always have but that desire has strengthened now.”

“It's.... it's not that- I got a blanket out and everything.”

“You are my entire family, Jim.” a family he didn't think he would have.

“You're going to make me mad the next nine months aren't you?”

“If it is in the name of your health, I am willing to take that risk I believe you will forgive me.”


	2. This sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp it keeps going bc I say so and you all want more so... here.
> 
> Sorry it's short.

Spock's been up for hours reading volume after volume about pregnancy and fetal development. His need for fewer sleeping hours than Jim came as an advantage yet again. He had more time to devote to learning about children, babies, development stages, expected symptoms Jim would undergo. His mate was asleep beside him, had been for many hours. It was the middle of the night, their window was the sole source of light for Spock to read by. He could turn a light on but chose not to risk disturbing Jim's rest. His night vision was far superior than a human's, he had no trouble completing a volume and a half since they came to bed. The phrase he encountered the most was that he was 'going to be a father' but he already considered himself one. He was father to a small fetus, granted, but a father nonetheless. Why other males decided to wait until birth to consider their new responsibility was beyond him. Given what he'd learned in the short time since Jim's announcement he couldn't pack enough things into these nine months to prepare for their child.

There was a sigh as the bed shifted, Jim rolled over, still asleep. Their blanket fell off him as he did so, Spock quickly adjusted it, tucking him back in. Things were quiet again for nearly thirty minutes until the blanket ended up on his hip. Jim threw his half off as he made small noises. Spock listened, they weren't typical sleep sounds, Jim wasn't dreaming. His end of their bond was growing more intense, he was waking up. 

“Ashayam?” he whispered but it sounded loud in the otherwise silent room. Jim didn't respond, not yet alert. Spock figured he'd drift back to sleep, perhaps he'd just been too warm. He was back to his reading when Jim suddenly burst from their bed and disappeared into their bathroom. 

He expected to hear retching but he didn't. He didn't hear anything for several moments, by the time he was approaching the bathroom door Jim was groaning. Spock didn't even bother to knock. He stepped inside and found Jim sitting defeated on the edge of their tub. 

“This is going to be one of those nights.” he rubbed his face in his hands. 

“What can I do for you, t'hy'la?” 

“You can help me throw up.”

“You wish for me to induce vomiting?” he wasn't comfortable bringing any harm to him or to their fetus. Jim however was petulant at the moment, he was going to ask for things that weren't reasonable before he calmed down. 

“When you put it like that it sounds kind of fucked up.... yes?”

Spock was already shaking his head “Jim I cannot.”

There was a huff. 

“You did not vomit before?”

“I can't. I said, it's one of those nights.” Spock remembered three such nights previously that Jim was up with nausea that wouldn't end. He struggled to rest and was exhausted and in a poor mood the next day. 

“Forcing it will not help, Jim.”  
“You don't know that.” 

“Forcing yourself to vomit will not only dehydrate you, you will struggle to hold down subsequent liquids. No.” Jim's glare was all Spock needed to know his voice was too strong for Jim's liking. 

“Don't tell me what to do.”

“I am not....I am requesting. Beseeching. Please Jim.” his mate was breathing deeper, faster, starting to rock back and forth. Spock crossed the bathroom to him and knelt at his side. Jim was starting to sweat, his color was fading. Spock reached around, rubbing his back. Soon Jim leaned over their toilet but he had nothing but a few unsuccessful dry heaves. Finally he retreated back to Spock's arms with a whimper. 

“I can't.”

“Then do not try to force it, telsu.” he rubbed Jim's arms, speaking against his ear.

“I want to get it over with. If I could just.... it'd be over, the nausea would go away, I could swish some mouthwash and go back to bed.”

“You can rest in bed, I will bring you a bowl.”

“I won't need it. I said this is one of those nights. I won't throw up, I'll just feel like I need to all night.” he shivered, Spock felt goosebumps on Jim's arms. His mind filled with sympathy for his beloved. He kissed his cool cheek. Jim was already cooler than him but he was colder than even his normal, a side effect of the sweating; clamminess. 

“Come with me.” Spock all but lifted Jim to his feet himself. His mate drunkely shuffled at his side as he brought them downstairs and positioned him on their couch. He wrapped Jim in a blanket and set to making tea with ginger. He'd read it was a natural treatment when one was feeling cold and needed blankets. 

“Ashayam...” he brought a big mug of it, Jim took it and sipped silently. The vulcan took a seat across from Jim on their coffee table.

“Your nausea is a good sign... it signifies your body is producing a high level of pregnancy hormones which will help our child to grow.” a small silver lining he was 97% sure Jim would not appreciate at the moment. 

“Wonderful.” he was correct.

“It is worse in the first trimester merely because the change in your body is so dramatic. It will lessen in the future.”

“Amazing.” Jim paused. “I...I know. It's just...” 

Spock shook his head “Drink, Jim.” his mate obliged but his hand slipped out from under the blanket and patted the couch next to him. Spock quickly moved to his side and wrapped an arm around him. All was silent while Jim drank slowly almost teasing the tea out of the mug. As he finished it he was drinking larger gulps to Spock's relief. Jim must be feeling better. His eyes were getting heavier. Soon he handed his mug over and Spock set it on the table. After, Jim laid against him. 

“Thank you.”

“It was nothing, Jim. It pleases me to help.”

“Sorry for being a brat.”

“You are undergoing significant stress.”

“I was being a brat.”

“I think you are handling pregnancy beautifully.”

“You just think that because I'm beautiful.” he chuckled

“That is true but it has no bearing on my opinion.”

“I was kidding.”

“I was not.” Spock spoke into Jim's hair. 

“I'm starting to feel better. Maybe tomorrow... we can get some stuff. I gotta finally get clothes. I ought to have them ready for when I outgrow what I have.”

“There is no rush, Jim.”

“Basic stuff for the nursery. Shelves, baskets, towels... I should be productive.”

Spock shushed him then, kissing his head. “I think you are getting ahead of yourself.”

“I can't just sit here and do nothing.” spoken from boredom as well as a need to be helpful. 

“You are extraordinarily busy, Jim.” Spock slipped his hand under the blanket against Jim's belly. 

“There's not even anything to feel there yet.”

“And yet there is something there.”

“You're just using the excuse to feel me up.” he put his hand over Spock's too. 

“Usually I start on the other side if that were my intent.”

“Hmm...” the lack of sarcastic quips indicated Jim was falling asleep. And within minutes Spock hooked his arm around Jim's legs and lifted him up. Soon they were back where they started, Jim asleep at his side as he read. He could finish two volumes tonight.


	3. I thought this would be easier somehow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has emotional baggage and the symptoms of pregnancy aren't as easy as he expected.

Jim woke up in their room alone. The nausea was gone, he almost felt refreshed though hardly like he wanted to charge through San Francisco on a shopping spree like he should be right now. The chronometer informed him it was nearly eleven forty and he sighed.... and flopped into his pillows. He'd gotten so lazy since he got knocked up. Or rather he was just tired all the time. Granted that was to be expected, Spock and Bones and every book he ever read ever on the subject made it clear that it's normal to be fatigued but Jim had never succumbed to 'fatigue' before. It seemed wimpy. Yet here he was practicing regular naps and nearly sleeping until the crack of noon. Spock hadn't said anything about it, in fact he'd encouraged naps once Jim started with the mood swings. Was he trying to avoid his t'hy'la? Did he find Jim's emotions tedious? He knew that was a stupid line of thought, Spock just wanted him and the baby to be as healthy as possible. Jim was surprised by just how supportive Spock had been. He hadn't expected anything less than his full support but he hadn't... well Spock was just very attentive and it was pleasant. Except when it wasn't.

He never thought his mate would be encouraging him to eat more as much as he does. Granted Spock has a point there, he can't keep much down with his nausea. Whoever called it morning sickness was full of shit. But then there were days the sickness was gone and Jim couldn't eat enough, just could not get full. He felt so ashamed of himself those days, wanting to eat in secret so Spock wouldn't know or judge him. He had been caught more than once. So he shouldn't be surprised when he heads downstairs and doesn't find his husband immediately that the coast isn't clear. It was so innocent. A glass of water, a quick look through the fridge. His belly felt so calm today, like he could eat anything, maybe even something spicy. He didn't dare chance that but the cold food stores didn't grab him. He wanted crunch. He was well into their crackers when he heard movement on the first floor. Spock working in their study perhaps, headed upstairs to check if he was still asleep... no Spock knew he was awake, he could tell in their bond when his mind became alert. Jim never got the hang of being able to tell that sort of thing. Oh right, Spock's getting closer, shit he's coming to the kitchen? Jim did something stupid, he stepped into their pantry and closed the door. He sat softly on one of the boxes in there and listened for when Spock left. His footsteps were close, he moved to their sink, then the stove, he was making tea. Jim inwardly sighed. His heart was pounding, why was he _hiding_ in his own damn pantry? From his _husband?_

His wonder was short-lived. Jim quickly grew impatient with Spock's patience with his water. Slow to boil, doesn't he have something to go check on? Enough so Jim could sneak out of the pantry and not be sitting in here like a child? What the hell was he even doing? He should just step out but... it had been too long now, he couldn't just say he was looking for something, what with the light off. Spock would hear him turn it on, and he hadn't made any noise until now. This was stupid, why was he in this situation. Why does he do this shit? This is bullshit. He can't even explain this to himself. 

It all came to a quick close though, as Spock's footsteps grew closer. Jim tensed, he knew he was caught even before the door slid open and there was silence. Here he was sitting on a crate of vulcan spice tea with a sleeve of crackers in his hand turning beet red and actively avoiding Spock's gaze. Whatever the vulcan had come for it was forgotten now. 

“Ah... hey babe.”

“May I inquire as to why you are sitting in the dark pantry?”

“Well that is a great question...I.... don't know.”

“And yet you chose to do it anyway.”

“I....” wow it's hot, he knows he's blushing hard. “...was just in here and ah....”

“You wished to avoid me.” Jim had to admit that stung to hear even though Spock didn't sound offended. There was a silence between them that Jim couldn't even begin to try to fill. Spock knew him better than he ever gave him credit for. 

“May I supplement what you have?”

“What? Why? What are you--” he was defensive, somehow believing Spock was anything but helpful right now. What did he think about what he was seeing? Him sneaking food and being secretive, was he mad or something? 

“Please, Jim... will you come out?”

He looked at Spock then, such a calm face that made him feel ashamed for even having those thoughts. Spock simply got him some cheese and grapes to complete his snack. He blushed again. 

“Y-you don't...”

“You have not had breakfast, may I prepare you something more?” 'more' being the key word there and it rubbed Jim the wrong way, he bristled. 

“I'm fine, Spock. Honest.”

“You have not eaten a full meal, that will not be sufficient.” Spock could speak so softly, so gently. On one hand Jim knew he was privileged to hear this tone, he was the only one who ever did. But he was so irritated now, so desperate to hurry to another room to hide, maybe he could leave the house too, he just had to get out of sight and swallow his embarrassment. He missed Spock moving in to touch his cheek until his hand was there and be blinked at him.

“You need not fear me or my condemnation, Jim.” Jim's eyes widened. How had he...

“You were reading my thoughts?” 

“No. I surmised your motivation on my own. There is no need to feel ashamed before me. I am openly supportive of anything you do to maintain optimum health.” Spock's fingers began to stroke behind Jim's ear. 

“Even if that means hiding in the pantry?”

“Were that a sign of emotional health I would not question it. However it is a very important symptom, I believe, of just the opposite.”

Jim gave Spock a confused look. His mate was so gentle as he continued. “This is not Tarsus, Jim. You do not need to hide.”

That stunned him. How had he not realized it himself? He'd stopped hoarding food years before but the hiding, the shame... he hadn't had those symptoms before. He'd never had to overeat like this before. His eyes started to burn.

“How... how did you...” he was already breathing shallow, lip quivering. Spock pulled Jim in, closing his arms around him. Jim couldn't fight his tears but he wouldn't let that sob out, he was done crying about that chapter of his life. 

“Holding it in only hurts you, t'hy'la.”

“I don't want to cry about it anymore. I'm done. I thought it was over.”

“I do not believe it will ever be truly over for you, ashayam.” 

He knew Spock was right but hearing it was like a knife in his heart. 

“I would feel relieved if you let it out, though I will not force you.” 

“How did you know?”

“I knew you were hiding while you ate.. at first I thought you required privacy, then perhaps you were ashamed of how your body has begun changing.”

“Well there's a little of that...” he was not fond of this new weight but it was for a good cause.

“But the occasions I encountered you hiding you looked... frightened.”

“And that bothered you, I can tell.”

“You have no need to fear me...” Jim hugged Spock tight, nuzzling him. Spock took being his mate seriously, he didn't react to anyone else's opinions, not even his father's. The only opinion Spock was concerned with was Jim's and to be welcomed with fear... his mate would take it personally. Especially considering he still had some anxieties about pon farr. 

“But you realized it wasn't really about you.”

“Indeed. I... put two and two together to make four, is that the correct earth saying?”

“Yeah you nailed it.” he smiled, hands on Spock's shoulders. “Me too. You read me like a book, I didn't even realize that was the problem.” His mate seemed more at ease. 

“I am relieved it was not my behavior that set you off.” he paused then floundered “However I am concerned about your trauma from Tarsus IV.” Jim had to chuckle. 

“I get you.” he hugged his husband tight. “You're good to me. Even when I'm being crazy.”

“You are not psychotic, Jim, you are emotionally traumatized.”

“Eeeeeven when I'm being crazy. I still have the mood swings and the pregnancy ADHD.” which Bones likes to imply wasn't temporary or due to the pregnancy but that's neither here nor there. 

“Difficulty concentrating is to be expected, you have a great number of concerns on your mind, your childhood experiences are merely an addition.” Spock was maneuvering him to a seat at their breakfast bar while he handled the tea kettle, now thoroughly boiling. 

“You make me sound so stable.” Jim got comfortable and began munching the cheese and grapes. 

“I did not intend to offend you, t'hy'la.”

“You didn't, I was joking at myself really. Go on.”

“There are many concerns you must have about your pregnancy and our child, I simply wish to assuage as many as possible as thoroughly as possible.” he presented Jim with a cup of tea. 

“And you're doing amazing. Don't belittle yourself. I'm fine. Messed up about my past, moody, kind of lazy and I can't stick on one project at a time but I'm doing great. I mean despite my sickness I keep gaining weight so I think that's a good thing?”

“I agree, it is. However I am concerned about your concentration.”

“Oh geez, not you too. Bones already lectured me on slowing down.” it wasn't his fault there were just so many projects to finish in the house. And he wasn't doing anything but napping and eating and puking... then napping again. Rinse and repeat. 

“I agree with the doctor.”

“You know I thought I always wanted you two to get along but now that you do it's like I've got two mommies.”

“As often as Dr. McCoy and I do not agree we do have one common priority.” he had been in the fridge but now he paused, eggs and herbs in his hand standing in the middle of their kitchen. Jim stared at Spock and he could just imagine Bones standing there too, arms crossed with that smug look ready to spout off any number of medical statistics to get him to comply. 

“Fine... what do you want me to do?” 

Spock returned to the stove and began assembling omelets. “As I said, we have agreed you would benefit from a break from your projects and time to relax.”

“Relax? That's all I do. I take breaks from that to do some actual work.”

“You are working around the clock, Jim.”

“Okay but I don't have to actually think about babymaking, I just eat and sleep and occasionally fuck my husband. I have plenty of time to dedicate to organizing this house and getting things cleaned and the nursery finished before I'm too pregnant and can't do anything.”

“Your body is going through its most dramatic change right now, your raging hormones are part of your concentration difficulties, however they are made worse by focusing on too many tasks and your concern about our child and your past.” 

“I'm fine.” Jim sounded annoyed. “Don't think you can trigger me to get irritated and then call that proof that I'm under pressure, we both know I have mood swings and that's normal too.”

“I was not arguing the validity of them, I am arguing that you are being too hard on yourself, telsu. You demand too much of yourself.”

“But... you're working so hard, I don't do anything.” further emphasized by Spock serving him a plate full of omelet which he then loaded up with the cheese and grapes Jim was already eating. Spock's plate was so empty by comparison. 

“You do realize that makes me feel fat right?” Spock was headed around the breakfast bar to sit at Jim's side. 

“You are hardly overweight and a physical action is not inherently at fault for an emotional response.”

“God you're romantic.”

“You have a higher nutritional requirement than I.”

“It's just the visual, I feel so...fat and lazy and useless.” 

Spock paused at that. Jim was halfway through his third bite before the vulcan spoke. “I find I am... quite the opposite.”

 _“You_ feel useless? Please. I need you, I depend on you so much.”

“You are undergoing such drastic and fundamental change and I can do little more than watch and offer encouragement.”

“And yummy omelets.” a beat “You're not giving yourself enough credit. Who just figured out my weird food habits in one sentence? Who's been up with me every night I've been sick? Who's carried me to bed when I fall asleep on the couch drinking tea at four in the morning?”

“I gladly do it, t'hy'la, I just believe it is inadequate.”

“No.... no never.” Jim reached for Spock then, touching his cheek, rubbing his ear. “You're my rock, my anchor, without you I'd be lost. I need you, I can't do this without you.” 

“I imagine that you would manage beautifully if you had to.”

“What, is something going to happen to you?”

“Not that I am aware of”

“I would not be alright if anything did happen, I'd be a mess.” Spock was staring at him “You know I wouldn't do what my mother did. Even if something happened I am not giving our baby to anyone. I mean unless something happened to me too.”

Spock finished his meal with his arm around him. Jim couldn't finish all of his. 

“I know I just woke up...”

“I will hardly judge you for returning to bed.”

“I can't keep sleeping, that's how you get to needing ten and twelve hours of it.”

“Would you prefer to join me in the study?”

“Yes.”

In there Jim could rest in the comfy desk chair they had and he and Spock looked over nursery designs on Spock's padd. 

“Somehow I didn't think you were the type to go for themed rooms.”

“Calm colors and large shapes are stimulating for an infant.”

“True enough... so... what, are we gonna put a mural up or something?”

“Do you have a preference?” 

“No idea... I kinda want to know what it is before we decide on a room décor.” he rubbed his mostly flat belly. 

“Does gender make a difference as to what colors or themes we must use?” Spock was about to open the gender/color debate which Jim agreed with and didn't want to go through right now. 

“No, it doesn't. I guess.... I kind of thought if I knew what it was... I could get a name in my head maybe and start personalizing this place.”

“We can supplement the room with letters and a name if you prefer later.” Jim nodded and leaned back in the chair, honestly sleepy again. 

“I had a dream... that it was a boy.” he looked at his mate “What if it is?”

“That is acceptable.”

“What if it's a girl?”

“I desire a child that is healthy. Nothing more.”

“Killjoy.” Jim chuckled. “I've been toying with names. None that I like though. It seems like anytime I try a name out it just works less for me.”

“How do you try a name out?”

“Huh? You just use it in a sentence. Like... 'Hilary I said pick your toys up' or 'Soren, your friend's over to play'. I... dunno, I can't decide.”

“I believe it is a bit early to commit, Jim... you are showing signs of exhaustion.”

“I'll rest if you come with me.” 

“Jim, now is not the time.”

“I didn't say have sex, I said I'd rest. How long have you been up?”

“I do not require as much sleep as-” Jim kissed him. And that was that.


	4. This chapter has sex in it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp like it says, there be smut here. 
> 
> Also Jim's cravings make an entrance and his diet is in need of some tweaking which our favorite vulcan is here to provide.

Jim's knees planted into the couch on either side of Spock's lap. His fingers dug into the back of their couch while Spock's were sinking into his ass as he rode him. 

“Gaa...fuck, _fuck_ Spock!” he couldn't help getting mouthy when they were in the middle of it. He liked to think Spock secretly enjoyed that. His mate's hands moved over his ass then his hips to help him bounce higher and faster which just got Jim to moan louder and longer. He rolled his head back as he sank down as low as he could, Spock's balls pressing against his ass cheeks. “That feel good baby?”

Spock's eyes were dark, impossibly darker, his lips kiss swollen, and he paused as if having to think hard. “As...as always... Jim please... do not tease me.” Jim grinned as he wiggled his hips shallowly. “Mmm you want me to move?” he waited for Spock to mutely nod before he began again.

“Are you gonna fuck me over the back of this couch when you're done?”

Spock didn't answer, his mouth was occupied with Jim's nipple. He framed the vulcan's face in his hands and gently pulled him away. “Baby... I need to know.” 

“Yes.” and he pushed out of Jim's hands, back where he could kiss his mate's skin, where he could lick and nip at him and leave countless marks. While he was outwardly demure, when alone with his mate he surprised Jim in how... enthusiastic he could be. He'd been prepared to ease Spock into roughness or just anything outside of white-bread-plain sex only to discover that there were no hurdles to overcome. Spock was so in the dark about what was considered sexually deviant or strange that he didn't have an idea there even was 'regular' sex. It opened so many doors and Jim was proud that Spock was as creative in bed as he was elsewhere. As evidenced by how he quickly found himself against the back of their couch. Spock hadn't even pulled out to rearrange them. 

“How did you---oooh god.” and he didn't waste time getting back to plowing him either, Jim had to admit he was spoiled by this vulcan. Good sex from a well hung mate. This had started so demure, just gentle kisses, easy making out, then suddenly he's naked and Spock can't fuck him loud enough. He wanted to hear it this time, all the little sounds. The wet sliding, their skin slapping together, as if moaning wasn't enough. He could feel a dribble roll down his leg, felt Spock pushing more out as he fucked them both into the cushions. His hands were all over his front this time, his chest, his belly especially. There was so little to cup there, it barely filled your palm but Spock spread his fingers over it as his other hand slid down around Jim's cock. 

He scrunched his eyes shut as he bucked into his husband's hand, Spock sank his teeth into his shoulder, Jim could feel fingers wrapping around his head, touching his psy-points. His mind, their joined minds, flooded with light and warmth and he felt both of them, he was Spock inside him, he was Jim around Spock he was both of them, they were both of them. He felt so whole, so loved, so needed. He was vaguely aware of getting misty eyed and crying out. After it was over he found himself wrapped in a blanket curled up on their couch. Spock was smoothing his hair back, cradling him close. 

“Have I ever said how dynamite you are in the sack?”

“You have. I would and have countered that it is simply the nature of a t'hy'la bond.”

“The mind meld finishes, yes, but the rest no. You're good. I'm good. We're good together.”

“I am gratified that you are pleased...May I?” Spock needed more skin on skin contact that wasn't tempered with lust. Jim was only too happy to help and he grinned as he slipped out of the blanket and pushed himself flush against his mate. Spock's hands were flat against his back while Jim took Spock's jaw in his own. It was so easy to cradle, kiss, and leave those delicious green swollen lips. He sighed against Spock's mouth and murmured stupid romantic epithets. His love's hands didn't leave his skin though they caressed up and down from his shoulders to his legs. Easy touches, simple yet bold, no longer questioning if the mood was right, still celebrating an afterglow. He imagined them going again like this, just falling into it, perhaps with him on his back this time. A warm body over him pinning him to the cushions, Spock's scent... it was nothing to slip onto his back under Spock or to grip his shoulders as their legs tangled. Jim said nothing as his mate pushed inside him again, offered only rapid breaths as they escalated, and when it was over a sigh replaced Spock's name. Their temples were pressed together, Jim nuzzled him gently and kissed under his ear. 

“When this baby comes we won't be able to do this impulsively anymore.”

“We will adjust.”

“Yeah but I don't really want to.” he touched his forehead to Spock's and just held it there. His eyes were getting heavy and he shouldn't have been surprised when he woke up in their bed. But he was, he wanted to slap himself. He had things to do today, he didn't mean to fall asleep. He just got worn out so easily and it wasn't exactly like sex was gentle on one's energy level. But he used to be able to sow oats with Spock until alpha shift, then work a few hours extra, then grab dinner with Spock and maybe Bones or his other officers, then polish the night off with reports and chess, and then drag Spock into his pre-sleep shower. It was a great if busy routine and no amount of well intended nagging would change his mind on it. Sure he was burning the candle at both ends but he was young and his body could afford that. He spent so many years in Iowa yearning for something meaningful to fill his life with he wasn't about to slow down just because he might hurt himself. Since when had that mattered?

Well now it did. Not for himself but for the baby he housed. He had to slow down for them... and perhaps for good considering that he'd have to be a mother after he gave birth. By the time they were old enough that he could return to his old habits he could be in this position again. He didn't know how Spock was wrong about his sterility but he had to assume lightning could strike twice. Being a mother was something he was so sure he wanted but imagining himself as a parent was so exhausting and kind of haunting. Spock already considered himself a father, which was both admirable and adorable. And annoying once his protective nature showed itself which was only all the time now. 

He ought to get up. Spock left him in the nude, easy enough to hop in the shower. By the time he got out Spock was finishing changing their sheets and making the bed up. He paused, eyes locking on him. He was dressed of course but the way his pants clung to his legs and his shirt showed off his muscles Jim could peel all that off and bring them right back to where they started earlier. 

“Did you sleep well, t'hy'la?” Spock's eyes were warm, his tone gentle. Jim couldn't help but grin. 

“Yes. I slept like a dead man, I always do when I'm worn out.” he smirked and he was so proud of Spock for not blushing that time, even though he liked his blush. “And... did you do any sleeping with me? You know the real kind of sleep.”

Spock looked away which Jim counted as a point, same as a blush. “I did not. I found myself useful in the kitchen and food stores.” 

“Boo, you could have napped with me.” he strode over, reaching to touch their fingers together. He was on the fence about jumping Spock's bones right now, he felt so good today, no nausea. He had to make that count and it was a birth control free time in his life, he should use this time to have the last bouts of spontaneous sex he could have worry-free. He only had his towel on, Spock was looking great but then again he didn't get points for that anymore. 

“Jim I am concerned about your health.”

“Huh?” he blinked back to attention. Spock was standing plainly, looking less than impressed. Jim chuckled. “Sorry, got distracted.”

“I am aware.” linked minds and all, Spock didn't pry into his thoughts unless granted permission but he was pretty sure the vulcan could guess what he was thinking all on his own. That tone of voice was too familiar. 

“Can't help it.” he held his hands up. “What's up?” he looked Spock up and down one more time before turning to get dressed, unofficially admitting defeat. 

“I have noticed you no longer keep any meat in the kitchen. May I inquire as to why?” Jim paused.

“Good question. It grosses me out. It came on pretty sudden but I... even the thought of it makes me want to hurl.” he did think about it then and had to focus keenly on the colors of his shirts. “Besides it's kind of a bother since you don't eat it and I just have it alone most times.”

“You are aware I have no moral objection to your consumption of meat.”

“Yeah I know... vulcans just lost the ability to digest it and all. I just don't want it anymore. I want greens. I want beans. I want kale and spinach and that smoothie from the juice bar that smells like cut grass.” 

“Indeed, I am concerned, Jim, that your recent aversion is indicative of something greater.” Spock had his hands behind his back, that didn't bode well. 

“What like I'm sick? Food aversions are a thing, Bones said to look for them, all the books I've gone through say meat aversion is the most common. I don't see how this is bad for us.” He fastened his belt... the normal hole was a bit snug for his comfort. He paused and noted that Spock was watching as he adjusted it to the next hole over. “We eat healthy, I can't stay out of the farmer's market lately. I crushed our tomato stock in two days.” oooh tomatoes. He imagined one the size of an apple and velvet red. His mouth was watering already. But wait he wanted the cut grass smoothie too.

“I am concerned, telsu, that you are not getting your nutritional requirement.” Spock stepped closer and reached for his hair. “Your preferred diet lacks protein and above that, omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D.” 

“I sit outside, my vitamin D is ok. Bones isn't concerned.” he felt kind of defensive. “I eat plenty of beans and I thought omega-3 fatty acids could be eaten through beans and dark greens like kale.” like he so wants to eat right now, _god_ he wanted that smoothie, and maybe some kale and parmesan. And that tomato. So many choices! Spock ought to know when he said he 'thought' that he damn well knew it. He was reputed to be a buffoon who flew by the seat of his pants but he did happen to also have book learning so... there was that. 

“You are aware then that simply sitting outside is not enough for your daily vitamin D intake. And I do not believe you have been eating sufficient omega-3 carrying vegetables each day.”

“Any suggestions?” he fought the urge to call him 'Mr. Spock' then. Why was he slipping into bridge-speak? They'd been on leave for months between five year missions. Spock didn't seem to notice.

“I have constructed a list of foods that will help you that also adhere to your newfound aversion to meat.”

“Already?” that vulcan ass, he knew Jim had an aversion before he even brought this up. “Well let's see then.” Spock produced his padd and Jim skimmed over it. 

“Alright, I'll... work on it. I'm still figuring this out, trying to get a groove going. You know it's only recently I could even eat food like a real person.” Spock tilted his head “...and keep it down I mean.” indeed he'd managed to almost get a system going, even though the sickness was still a force to be reckoned with and Spock still spent many a night with him over the toilet. 

“May I offer another suggestion?” he blinked at the vulcan. They weren't done? 

“Since when do you have to ask?”

“My belief, Jim, is that your aversion to meat is stemming from a pregnancy complication in your gut. You are not producing sufficient stomach acid to digest meat and therefore your body rejects it.”

“Ah... yeah I did read something like that but... I mean... since when are you a doctor?”

“I am not a medical professional. I have simply researched and consulted Dr. McCoy.” 

“You and Bones are going behind my back?” he sounded appalled though he wasn't really. It was cute almost.... except they were having ideas together which meant this was about to stop being cute. 

“It was an attempt to alleviate your stress level, to avoid another visit to the hospital.” 

“Since when does Bones let me skip a visit to him _ever?”_ he didn't believe he was hearing this. His husband was spot on right but this was too good to be true. Spock had to have some kind of leverage. That or there was more to this. “What else?”

“We agreed on several courses of action to help increase the amount of acid you are producing.” 

“And how do you either of you even know that's the issue?” 

“It is a simple matter to test, we simply help you produce more acid, if you begin to desire meat again, then we know we were correct.”   
“That sounds really sketchy. You know that right?” Jim crossed his arms but Spock looked unbowed.

“It would were the treatment not simply foods that will not harm you if they are ineffective.” 

“Food like...?”

“Herbal bitters and apple cider vinegar. Mixed with water before meals, they can help you produce more hydrochloric acid.”

“Well that sounds awful.” Spock was calm but he shifted his weight, he was concerned. 

“Without enough stomach acid, Jim, you are unable to absorb all the nutrients you are already ingesting. Meat is impossible for you to consume at the moment and the food you already eat is not being digested completely. It is urgent that we rectify this as soon as possible.” 

“...Do you think that's why I get sick so much too?”

“As you know morning sickness is believed to be caused by the increased olfactory and sensitivity to certain smells. However, Dr. McCoy and I have discussed the potential that you are not digesting your food properly and setting your digestive system on a poor foundation.”

“I'm making an already delicate system more turbulent by not eating right, you mean.” 

“I did not mean to imply you were eating poorly. I merely brought to your attention what I believed you were unaware of.”

“Well...” that all sounded awful and he wasn't looking forward to having to drink vinegar but he knew it was happening. “Alright... can't hurt right?” not really. Bad taste was just temporary but Spock had good points. And he couldn't let him stay stressed like this, the gentle drop in his vulcan's shoulders was enough to prove he had been carrying a heavy burden about this. 

“Hey... you ok?” Jim reached over, rubbing Spock's shoulders. The vulcan leaned in, taking his elbows in his hands. 

“I am well, ashayam. I simply wish for your well-being.” they nuzzled for a time while Spock's hands slowly dropped to smooth over Jim's belly. 

“Well no need to worry so much. We'll get this figured out. I'll complain and hate the vinegar but it'll work. I know it will.” because he hated it. That's the sure fire way to know. Spock breathed deeply. He needed to meditate, Jim knew that. He must have been up the whole time he was napping stressing in the kitchen and forming the best way to try to convince him to go along with this. 

“May I prepare you a meal, Jim? You have not eaten since breakfast.” 

“Only if you meditate after.” 

He nodded “What would you prefer?” 

“....Lentils. And Kale.... and tomatoes.... and that cut grass smoothie from the juice bar.”   
“I believe I can replicate the recipe in our juicer here.” 

“Fire away.” he smiled and they headed downstairs. The vinegar was awful, he chugged it to get it out of the way faster but seeing Spock visibly relax once it was gone was enough.

“Do you think my craving greens and vegetables means the baby will like them too?”

“There is no correlation between pregnancy cravings and subsequent preferences in the child.”

“I know but... I like to think maybe I'm getting to know them a little.”

“If that were the case then I suppose the human cliché of having trouble feeding their offspring vegetables will pass over us.”

“I bet they won't eat something else that's just as healthy for them to make up for it.”

“They will be trying in many ways, such is the nature of children.” Spock got to washing their greens in the sink while Jim worked on some tea to get the taste out of his mouth. 

“Are you still... excited?” he hoped the reality of it wasn't weighing on Spock too. They locked eyes. 

“Beyond measure, ashayam.”


	5. About time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I disappeared for a long time for a lot of reasons. 
> 
> I am back now.

Spock is monitoring two pork chops in a pan, though to call them 'chops' was incorrect he'd learned. They were boneless, and any 'chop' by definition was bone-in. However the butcher informed him that it was easier on customers to mislabel their meats. He would never understand the idea of inventing a nomenclature only to disregard it. The effort to value convenience at the sake of proper labeling spoke of a fundamental lack of logic. He flipped the pork chops over, examining the browning on their undersides. Meat had an unpleasant scent and now that he was cooking it, it had an unpleasant appearance too. What started as dulcet pink and white chops turned into off-putting greyish brown disks. He considered meat in human history. His own distant ancestors must have enjoyed such a culture. He is wondering the implications of an ominvorous vulcan race when he hears footsteps. 

“That smells amazing.” Jim's hands slide around Spock's middle. “Since when do you cook meat?”

“I have a bondmate that requires it.” as if that answered everything. Jim appreciated the aroma which was a good sign. Spock felt his breath at his ear and he turns his head to him. Jim leans in and kisses the corner of his mouth. Spock takes a breath, Jim's new scent fills him and he closes his eyes. His body chemistry had been changing inside quite a bit but only now was he beginning to show outward signs of pregnancy. His coloring was brighter and his scent was changing. Over the coming months it would likely change more and Spock found himself eager. He found Jim's natural scent to be soothing and even arousing at times, but this was far preferable. It ignited a hunger in him both to claim his mate an to become territorial. 

“I didn't mean to say you can't do it. Just I liked meat before and you didn't feel the need to cook for me. It's sweet, but you can't eat this. It's unfair to you.”

“It is not. My ability to consume it is irrelevant. I am capable of preparing my own separate meal. I hypothesized if you had quality meals containing meat you would choose them over greens.” While Jim was eating meat again, it wasn't as much as he did before he was pregnant. He still chose greens though he was working it back into his diet. His salads now featured bacon and he could be coaxed into eating chicken on occasion.

“You're still worried about me.” Jim spoke with a certain degree of guilt. He leans his cheek against Spock's shoulder, his forehead touches his neck. “You try harder at this than I do. I prefer to eat at the whim of my cravings.”

“Doing so is not healthy and it does not cover your nutritional needs.” Jim didn't indulge the way he preferred to fantasize about. He remained loyal to his diet regiment however Spock had noticed his complaints about it increased. 

“Other people get to do it. Pregnancy is supposed to be a free pass to gorge on ice cream and chocolate. I just wanted to be indulgent for a while but you're working so hard to keep me going with meat and the vinegar...”

“You do not yet require extra calories, Jim. Later in your gestation you will require roughly 300 extra calories. There is no reason to 'gorge'. However if you find my behavior unduly controlling, you need only say so.” Jim released Spock, his back where Jim had warmed him was now cold and he looked over his shoulder as Jim shook his head without making eye contact.

“No don't. You're right, I'm wrong. I don't need to gorge on whatever I fancy, I guess I just like the idea of it. This diet isn't as easy as I expected and I don't like being so structured every day.... but I know you're doing this because you care about me... about us. And that this is the right thing to do.” Spock took his pan off the heat and turned around. He held Jim's cheek in his hand, his eyes were warm but narrowed and focused.

“I do not intend to limit your freedom to choose. I understand this is difficult for you, but I ask that you please continue with me. I would not rule over you, t'hy'la, I merely wish to ease the burden placed upon you.” by handling the confusing work of figuring out what Jim needs to eat more or less of and attempting to make that as effortless for him as possible.

He leaned into his hand. “You're nervous about all this aren't you?”

That's hitting a sensitive spot and Jim was more perceptive than he believed. Spock took a moment to organize his words. “I believe, Jim, that this pregnancy was difficult to achieve. If we are not careful and deliberate while progressing through it, we may lose it. I do not have sufficient evidence to believe that it can happen again.”

Jim's eyes widened letting in more light. Their piercing blue was enough to draw Spock's gaze, enough to distract him in an ocean. They were sympathetic, even sad. “You don't know I can't get pregnant again. You don't know I'm going to lose this one because my diet is weird. Just because you thought you were sterile doesn't mean you know this is going to be wrought with problems.”

“Correct I do not.” Spock is not the least bit comforted. “However I do not condone negligence on my part to provide for you and our child when you are struggling.” he cannot justify doing nothing and letting Jim autopilot this pregnancy. That would be a form of abandonment. Jim steps forward taking Spock's face in his hands. He can feel their bond, joy and love... and anxiety and fear. Spock allows him these. A tumultuous feeling of inadequacy, scrambling to find an answer. Worry that this problem will inevitably lead to another more complex one. Fear that one misstep could sabotage the entire operation. A desire that was locked away never to be tapped but once it was known, now that it was a possibility, it could never return to being a far off glimmer. Jim felt a bit weak taking all those feelings in. Before he could so much as waver, Spock took his arms to steady him, Jim leaned forward against his chest. His eyes were overly bright.

“Oh, Spock.” he folds his arms around his husband. “It's going to be okay. I'm going to be fine, we're going to be fine.” Spock hugged him back, his arms strong around his back. Jim brushed his fingers through Spock's hair for a while, letting his mind wander while Spock reorganized his thoughts. In such moments he felt as though his world was littered with convoluted and odd feelings that were difficult to organize. Trying to do so was a long arduous task made easier only by Jim's mind. His presence in his mind was like that of a sun, his warmth and 

“I do not mean to impose over you, t'hy'la. I only desire your well being. If you prefer to indulge in other things, I cannot stop you.”

Jim's tone was bright and joyful. “How can I eat something else when I love pork chops? Besides food made with love is the best. I think you made perfect pork chops too. They smell great.”

Spock stood a little taller. “You are amenable? Would you do me the honor of testing them?”

Jim's smile was captivating, his eyes bright, his skin glowed. “Only if you eat something with me while I do it.”

oOo

“We still need to meet with your dad.” Jim inhaled his meal, to Spock's surprise and satisfaction. “That was amazing by the way. For a vegetarian you make a mean chop.” they sat hip to hip in their living room. Jim was against Spock's side. 

“Would you accept more attempts?” already Spock is drumming up new meal plans that would entice his mate to stay with meat.

“Absolutely.” Jim got comfortable laying against Spock and he draped an arm around him. 

“May father has contacted me. I planned to arrange a meeting with him, we can both tell him the news if that suits you.”

“You've been putting that off... I have too.”Jim looked down, a touch guilty. “We need to do it soon, or it'll be clear we were avoiding him.”

“I do not think he subscribes to the human time frames of announcing pregnancy.”

“Well vulcans would have announced it by now. So since we haven't then I think he'll just assume we did it the human way and I don't think for a second that earth's vulcan ambassador doesn't know how human announcements work. Plus we can't tell our friends before we tell him and I want to start telling people... Why have you been delaying seeing him? You're nervous about him aren't you? I am.”

“That is not the word I would use. What are your concerns?” Spock paused, focusing on Jim.

“Oh just the usual. I think your dad hates me, not as a person, just as your mate. I know he wishes you'd picked someone closer to home.” Sarek never says a word about it and he treats Jim with the level of respect he is due, no more. Still, Jim's concerns are worth noting. Spock ponders what he might do to ease that in the future. 

“He does not hate you.” hate is illogical, he doesn't need to say it. Jim can guess that message on his own. “He married a human, I believe the human saying is, he has no room to judge. Still, it is an unattractive choice to take a human mate in the face of extinction.” Jim went still.

“Is that what they've told you?” Spock gave him a curious look and rubbed Jim's arm where his hand fell. 

“I find the fact that they wish for me to deny my t'hy'la bond and mate with a female vulcan narcissistic. They only consider how I can help them and find offense when I am not rearranging my life to do so.” Jim held Spock's hand tighter. It was heady stuff to hear him say that but he couldn't hold on to his pride.

“They want you to break our bond? Who said that?” Jim craned his neck to look up at him. 

“There has been no official request.” because it would be illogical to ask a bonded vulcan to sever an existing bond to accommodate another.

“But there have been unofficial ones.” Jim's tone grew intemperate and Spock offered calm feelings while he collected away his mate's anger.

“I did not wish to disturb you with that news. I apologize for upsetting you, I did not find that information pertinent.” because Spock would never agree to such a thing. It wasn't even worth noting. That gave Jim strength but Spock was trying to soothe the wrong wound.

“I'm not upset with you, I want to know who thinks they can make demands to you or our bond. And why would they say that? There's never been a successful attempt to sever a t'hy'la bond, it always ended in death or insanity.”

“Not all vulcan citizens are well versed in the ancient scrolls.” not all vulcans are part of an ancient warrior's bond either. Still, the staggering ignorance impressed Jim as Spock could see in his thoughts. He was not wrong in his reaction. It was a shame and a discredit to his clan to be so poorly read in one's own culture. Quietly Spock offered “Several of my clan members expressed regret that I bonded with a human. They made reference to various females who were unbonded or lost their mates in Nero's attack.”

“In-laws. Great.” Jim rolled his eyes. They did not meet them often but every pon farr they would return to New Vulcan and see them gathered around the carved stones. They were not shy about their thoughts last time he met them. They were far from impressed that Spock was half human, even less thrilled that he took a human for a mate. Jim doesn't care one iota for their opinions. He always bloomed in adversity but found it discouraging to have to at times. Spock could understand for that burden was his own. He found strength in Jim's audacity to stand apart from certain social obligations, and with such bravado. 

“They spoke with the needs of the vulcan people in mind.”

Jim crawled into Spock's lap, his hands on his shoulders, knees pressing info the couch on either side. Spock rested his hands on Jim's hips, his thumbs gently pushing his shirt aside to feel the warm skin underneath. 

"Look at you still taking up for them. They think you can just throw your mate aside so cheaply. They don't consider what that'd do to you." Indeed Jim is right, it would be anathema to him to leave their bond. 

“I did not say they went about their intentions in an effective manner. They were not malicious. Oblivious, perhaps.” slowly he pushes his hands up Jim's shirt and tugs his jeans down. 

Jim pet his hair then, began rubbing his ear. “What did your dad say?”

“He was not present for the conversation... I believe that he would have reminded them of our cultural value of t'hy'la bonds.” Spock's eyes closed as he leaned into the touch. Jim's belt is in the way. He wants to put his hand over their child. 

“You think your dad will support us?” Spock imagines his father's response to Jim's pregnancy. He is filled with pause, wondering if he should approach his father on his own before bringing Jim into a vulnerable moment with him.

“He has no reason not to.” if certain logic is applied. Tinkling of a befit buckle, Jim unzips his pants just enough and places Spock's hand. 

He leaned in to kiss near his ear. “Well... let's make a date then.”


	6. Easy enough

“Ambassador, your son has arrived.”

“Send him in.” Sarek stood at his window with his hands at his back much like Spock. Jim noted how much he resembled him in that position as he followed his husband into the office. Sarek had returned to earth years before, after New Vulcan was settled. He needed to work and maintain the relationship between the vulcans and humans. It was arguably the most important relationship New Vulcan had as Earth was still contributing building materials, food, medicine, and various other aid. 

“Father.” Spock prompted Sarek to turn around, offering the ta'al when he does. Jim did the same and he approached them. He gestured to a seating area away from his desk. The office was spacious and lavishly furnished. Jim suspected it was not Sarek who designed the space. It was more reminiscent of human grandeur and a need to impress.

“I am gratified you have both come.” Sarek spoke first. “I hope you both are well.”

Spock offered a curt nod. Jim sat in silence watching father and son. He didn't expect to have much to say here, Spock would to be the one to announce their pregnancy and any other news. He'd speak only when spoken to which was a relief since Sarek was the one being who could intimidate him. He expected this was going to be uncomfortable very soon. Spock was sterile according to his clan. They'd predicted his hybrid status to produce a sterile child, they'd tested something in his youth and confirmed that for themselves. Jim didn't know much about it but he had defenses ready for when Sarek insisted this wasn't his grandchild.

“We are engaged in a fortuitous challenge, father.” Spock began and Jim detected the slight pleasure in his voice. “We are expecting a child.” the words got Jim's heart beating faster but he watched Sarek for his next move. 

His eyebrows raised, he was better at hiding his expression than Spock, or maybe Jim was just used to reading him. But he showed nothing, Jim assumed he's surprised but the raised brows could be a sign of incredulity too. Time passed and Sarek remained silent. He was processing his thoughts, carefully choosing his next words. Jim was more sure that he was about to reject what Spock's said and he'd have to defend his loyalty to his husband. He started going over the points he planned on making if it got to this when Spock's hand touches his own. His anxiety disappeared, calm was projected into his mind, he took a breath and smiled faintly at his husband. Spock was looking at him, didn't take his eyes off him until his father spoke.

“May I initiate a meld?” Jim was disappointed that his words weren't very illuminating. He still didn't know what he thought about that news. However Spock sat forward then stood. Sarek stood too and wordlessly they melded. Jim wasn't sure what all this was about, what could Sarek find in Spock's mind that would prove anything? Was he disclosing his doubts privately to his son? Sarek didn't have a problem saying exactly what he thought, same as his son. What could they be discussing that excluded him? Or was it not about him or this pregnancy at all? Was it arrogant to think it should be?

Sarek and Spock separated and slowly Spock sat back in his chair. He looked winded and Jim reached for him with two fingers and Spock accepted them. The spark they shared when they touched was enough to bring energy back into his eyes. 

“I offer my congratulations.” Sarek said calmly as he too sat down. Jim looked to him in surprise. He was still touching his fingers to Spock. He'd about to stutter something but Spock replied first. 

“We thank you, father.”

Sarek offered a gentle nod. “You will keep me apprised of your progress.” his tone was flat but it was a question. “Yes, father.” Sarek looked to Jim then.

 

“Are you experiencing any difficulties?” and Jim still needed a minute to organize himself after Sarek didn't reject them. 

“No-- well I was but things are alright now. I was having food aversions but that's cleared up.”

“He was unable to digest meat, the issue has been resolved.” 

“Excellent. Meat is vital for the growth of the fetus. Your mother had a similar dilemma.”

“R-right.” Jim nodded, trying to go with the flow here. He can't believe it was so easy, Sarek just took his pregnancy as fact? Well he knew he probably wasn't going to start a witch-hunt but he didn't expect things to be this smooth. He was almost waiting for a 'but' to arise.

“Is everything all right, James?” Jim had long since given Sarek his name, a custom between in-laws on vulcan. He now called him by his government name, not the shortened one that literally everyone else uses. 

“Me? Fine.” he smiled charmingly which was stupid. Sarek wasn't susceptible to such charms and he just stared at him unconvinced. Jim cleared his throat. “This just didn't go how I expected.” 

“You anticipated resistance from me.” Sarek was no fool. Jim didn't answer but he didn't have to. Sarek continued after seeing him hesitate. “I am curious how Spock can father a child. I do not, however, doubt that he has. His bond is healthy. There can be no doubt the child is his own.” because if Jim was cheating it would damage their bond and Spock would show symptoms. Sarek checked it because he had thought perhaps Jim was unfaithful. Jim lowered his gaze. “I am interested to see where the tests conducted in his youth fell short.” and there it was. The tests were wrong, Sarek didn't question that. Sarek was a man of science of course. Jim respected that, but for the first time he was relieved his father in-law was such a believer in evidence. He wasn't set in his mindset as long as you could back yourself up when you confronted his beliefs. Spock's lack of psychic deterioration was enough to prove he wasn't lying. 

“That's... that's good to hear. Tell me though, what kind of tests did Spock undergo that said he was sterile?” anything the vulcans could do would have to wait until after puberty and they weren't likely looking at procreating with anyone that young right?

Sarek looked somber as he began. Jim fell quickly into rapt attention. “My marriage to Amanda was met with many critics. It was not a popular marriage, we were repeatedly informed that we would never conceive children. When Spock was born that judgment passed to him, it was decided that while he existed he would be unable to reproduce. My wife and I were skeptical of these claims. They were merely conjecture and continued to be until Spock reached puberty.” 

Spock shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I was to be bonded with a young girl, T'Pring.”

“Yeah you talked about her before. She died on New Vulcan...” sad for her but Jim already hated this chick. Spock had told him everything. “So...something about bonding with her showed you were infertile?”

“Not before she broke our bond.” and abandoned Spock for a far lesser vulcan male. “I was exposed to her in childhood, in supervised melds and I had little reaction to her. Again in puberty we were given supervised melds with no response.”

“What was supposed to happen? Were you supposed to respond... sexually?” because as long as chaperones were involved that would be awkward to the point of being impossible, one would think. But Jim supposed that was the point of supervised melds.

“Negative.” Sarek continued. “Many youths show little or no telepathic response to their intended mates. We were establishing their bond in anticipation of Spock's first Pon Farr. Should his strike sooner than expected, he required a healthy outlet for it. His pon farr did not come but the preparation for it was no less necessary.”

 

Spock continued softly as father and son traded off telling the story. “The idea that I was infertile due to my birth was wide-spread. T'Pring's family agreed to our bonding with full belief that I could not father children. Still, she cited infertility as her reason for leaving our bond before it fully matured.” Spock was looking at his knees, away from Jim and away from his father's gaze. Jim reached for him again and tried to sweep away his shame and self doubt. Spock took his hand and Jim could feel his emotions split, now carried between them both. 

“How exactly did that hold up? She knew before she agreed as a kid right?”

“She explained that the decision was her parents' and she was not fully informed of my condition.” even Jim knew that was a bullshit excuse.

“It was the only defense she had to extricate herself from the bond that her elders would accept.” Sarek added sagely. Spock looked calm but in their bond Jim could feel a slight tension. 

“You support her ditching Spock on a dime for someone else?” Jim raised an eyebrow at Sarek. He was comfortable enough to make such a statement which might not be in his best interest. It was impolite. Sarek did not seem offended though, he merely continued.

“When she was no longer a willing participant in the bond then I supported her exit. While her actions were untoward, we cannot know if she would have taken them had she another option.”

“It matters not. Her objective was to leave regardless of how.” Spock had a slightly sharp tone.

“I'm pretty sure dumping someone only to immediately hook up with someone else is always going to be cruel. But...You mean they wouldn't have let her just opt out without some explicit reason? Not wanting to get married wasn't reason enough?” Vulcans are very strange sometimes. “I get it she agreed as a kid same as Spock but... haven't there ever been other cases of couples who agree as kids and change their minds?”

“They are rare among my people.” Spock added quietly and Jim felt for him. The shame of being infertile was just compounded with the shame of being rejected. And so late in the bond! By puberty most every other vulcan child was already spoken for. 

“It is a commitment vulcan children are expected to make in childhood but the supervised melds help to shape each mind together. Over the years of childhood and puberty the two grow in a similar manner. Their minds support each other, when the time comes to finalize the bond they are more compatible than they would be had they met as adults.”

“Kind of like tying tree saplings into place so their trunks grow in a desired way.” Jim said but while that sounded controlling it made sense. If you have someone in your head since you were a kid when you marry there's already a place for them. Because they've always been there.

“That is a crude but effective analogy. However, you asked about Spock's infertility. His bond was broken, he was left to heal.” Jim knows this story, Spock was humiliated and tried to hide himself in his studies and didn't dare try to find another partner. It was illogical since he was half human and infertile therefore an undesirable. It makes sense why he stormed out of the vulcan science academy and came to Earth. Spock felt demoralized when T'Pring came up but Jim was soothing it away as he rubbed his fingertips. 

“You didn't go into pon farr until you met me.” he said to Spock gently “Was the lack of a pon farr something that proved infertility?”

“It was a cause for concern, lack of pon farr indicates an incomplete puberty. Some of our clan's healers speculated that Spock would never undergo pon farr. I had submitted that the sudden ending of his bond with T'Pring would stall it though with a sample size of one there is no way to conduct a study.” Jim noted there was a way to conduct a study using medical records of every vulcan whose bond ended before pon farr. But Spock would be excluded from that study due to his hybrid status. So Sarek was right, anyway. 

“Beyond that, I conducted my own test.” Spock sat up straight, more comfortable discussing science than his previous affairs. Jim looked curiously at him. “I took a simple sperm count.” it sounded so innocuous coming from him but Jim was just a touch surprised. 

“You.... you did?”

“It was the only way to know for sure.” as if that doesn't make it strange to imagine a young spock jerking off for science.

“And... what did you find?” seriously, he had a kit to test for that? Did he take it to a healer? Did he test it on his own? What equipment did he have? How did that work? He'll ask that later.

“That I was infertile. I did not seek a vulcan mate after that, while I was involved with Nyota I made her aware that I was unable to have children.”

“And you told me we could never have kids... when I told you I was pregnant, I think you thought I was playing a cruel joke on you.”

“I believed you were deluding yourself.” Spock corrected gently. “I was attempting to remind you that was impossible without... hurting you.” that was rare for a vulcan to value, most just said the truth with such aplomb Spock was a doll like that.

“So...how did this happen then? Delusional pregnancy is real but I really am having a baby. Bones confirmed it and everything.”

“That is something I am curious about.” Spock mused more to himself than to Jim. 

Sarek added. “Perhaps I was correct, ending your bond with T'Pring caused trauma that delayed pon farr and fertility.” 

“Fertility normally begins at age nine, Sa'mekh. It was late even before talks of my pon farr began. I believe my hybrid status has something to do with it.”

“Terminating the bond may have stressed your already delayed reproductive system. I admit being a hybrid may have caused a slow start to puberty.”

Jim wondered if he was alone in thinking it was weird Sarek and Spock were talking about this so openly. “But you want to know for sure, right? We'll know if we can do this again or not.” he is pretty sure if it happened once it can happen twice. Two seems like a good number... or maybe three. 

“Yes, I will pursue it.”

“If you require any resources, Spock.” Sarek did not finish his statement, Spock was already nodding. 

“I am aware, father. For now, we thank you.” Spock rose from his seat. Jim stood with him, taking his arm.

 

“You are welcome here, Spock, James. If you do not mind... I would like to send you with a list of items that helped your mother while she was pregnant.”

“Do you think they'll help?” Jim perked up. That was illogical to say, he wouldn't have offered if he didn't think they'd be beneficial. Sarek didn't comment on that. 

“She also suffered from food aversions and had difficulty maintaining a varied nutritional balance. We isolated several teas that soothed her” 

“Well by all means, I'll take any help I can get.” he grinned and Sarek penned out a short list for him. He was pretty sure he'd met a whole new man today. Sarek had never been so gentle and approachable before. He can almost imagine a human woman wanting to be his wife.

“Thank you.”

“There is no need. I offer any assistance I can, James. Do not hesitate to contact me if I can be of use.” 

“I will. I'll try the tea.” he knew it was pointless but he smiled at Sarek as they left. Spock brought the car around while Jim got his coat from the front office staff. It was snowing big wet flakes that didn't stick to the cement. Spock insisted on keeping Jim inside until it was time to get into the car. 

 

“You know I can walk outside right? The cold won't kill me. The snow isn't even that bad.”

“It is below freezing, Jim. There is no need to expose you to it any more than necessary.” Spock opened his car door for him and they were off, Spock headed for the grocery.

“There aren't any health risks from walking in the snow. It's not even slick, this stuff isn't sticking there's no ice. You can't even make a decent snowball.” he watched the flakes fall as they drove. He imagined snow in the future, maybe making a snowman with his kid. If San Francisco could have snow again. It had been fifteen years since it had snow, and twenty years before that. 

“That is correct, however I am more comfortable if you remain inside as often as possible through winter weather.”

“Afraid I'm going to fall and break an ankle or something?” Jim teased but he knew the answer to that. He sighed. “Fine... the cold sucks anyway. So what are we getting, it's my turn to make dinner.”

“I will procure the tea my father recommended if you wish. I also had an idea for tonight's meal if you will allow me to interrupt our routine.” which meant Jim was going to eat well tonight. 

“Alright... can I ask what you're making?”

“I found a recipe for greek lamb shanks that I wished to attempt.” Jim licked his lips and Spock's gaze indicated he was now set on the menu. 

“At least let me make dessert?” Jim followed Spock inside. “Something... chocolate?” Spock did not reply but when he reached for Jim's fingers to caress he knew it was a yes.


	7. Updating

Sorry guys. I will continue to be delayed updating this next chapter. I have an outline I am working from each day but work and my personal life have been hectic and I just haven't had the time I would like to hammer out a chapter quickly. I haven't disappeared again. I am just checking in. Hopefully see you soon with something you can read and enjoy.

I feel like I want to explain: My mother is disabled and she lives with me. She's a big part of my life/responsibilities and it can sometimes take me away from the things I'd like to do [like writing spirk fics for you fine people]. I don't say this to try and win sympathy. I want to maybe explain my tendency to disappear at times. Many of you probably have or are currently caretakers for sick individuals and you understand how quickly they can need your full attention. It sucks for us who care for them, though it sucks for the patient more. I digress. I don't mean to whine or invite pity. My mom is doing well, don't worry. She had a lot of doctor's visits lately and some of them require long prep procedures. 

I thought if I disclosed this my absences might be a bit more palatable. I still love you all and I am definitely writing lovely scenes in my head if not my computer.

-Poshu


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